Do you ever have the feeling that you aren’t being treated fairly? Perhaps you don’t think you are being paid what you are worth. Or, you don’t believe you are getting the recognition you deserve. Or, your partner may not be giving you the attention you think you should have based on all you do for them.
It is so easy to fall into this trap. It is a trap because when we see our world through this lens, our view tends to become more and more sour and demanding. We begin to notice how others are treated and easily latch on to those who seem to be getting the very thing we deserve. We start to demand to be treated fairly (which usually only makes others want to give us less). We get increasingly frustrated and angry until we begin fantasizing about radical plans to set things straight, even though acting on those plans might actually be to our detriment.
I have known people who quit their jobs and ruin their marriages because they simply could not get past the angst of not being treated as they thought they deserved!
There are two powerful skills to practice when we are stuck in such victim energy.
- Practice taking 100% responsibility for creating your circumstances. Rather than focusing on how you aren’t being treated correctly, ask what you are doing (or not doing) that is resulting in the circumstance you don’t like. Source the solution in yourself instead of giving up your power to others. This is the path to real change. You will notice that your resentment and anger diminish, allowing you to see many more possibilities. Leaders carry great responsibility. Focusing on your responsibility improves your effectiveness.
- Practice giving to others what you want for yourself. It is often true that we get back what we give away. If we are filled with resentment, we create resentment toward us. If we give people the attention we want, the generosity we seek, the praise we long for, we will soon find it headed our way.
I have noticed people who master these two skills break through barriers that have stood in the way of their advancement. They begin to be invited to participate at higher levels within their organizations and find others doing whatever they can to secure them on their team. They focus on becoming a valuable member of a high performing team.
I invite you to practice these skills and send stories of where they have worked, or not.