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Giving Up Neediness

Being needy creates all manner of problems for us and for those to whom we relate.  Imagine that I feel like I need more money.  That “need” makes me aware of what I am getting paid and how much my peers are getting paid.  It is easy to feel resentful if my colleague gets a raise and I don’t, or if his raise is more than mine. That resentment begins to interfere in my communication with her.  I find myself teasing her when one of her projects doesn’t go well or being sarcastic when I talk about her.  She doesn’t say anything, but I do notice she doesn’t seem to be willing to help me as she used to be. Our working relationship and friendship has become strained and it all resulted from my “need” for money.


Now, money is just one of many “needs” we seem to have.  Some of us have a need for recognition.  It is difficult to swallow when we see someone openly recognized for some achievement when we feel our work is overlooked.  Or, your need might be for fairness.  You are always measuring how you are treated compared to others. Or, it may be a need for respect. You simply go off when someone isn’t deferential to you.


Much of the competition, jealousy, pettiness and conflict in human relations seems to emerge from our neediness, or at least our perception of neediness.


If this relates to you in any way, I have a suggestion.  Make a sign for your refrigerator, bathroom mirror, computer monitor or anyplace you will notice it regularly that says, “I HAVE NO NEEDS. MY LIFE IS PERFECT JUST AS IT IS”.


I know; you are scoffing at my suggestion. “My life is far from perfect just as it is!” you are saying.  But, slow down, take a deep breath and consider: What do you truly need that you don’t have?


You may notice that your life is amazingly rich; far more than you tend to be aware.  While there is always something you could think of to buy if you had more money, I doubt there is much you truly need that you can’t afford. It is likely that you are in the top 5% of the richest people in the world.  Do you feel that way every day?  Your have more freedom, more comfort, greater ease than mankind has ever known; more than any king or emperor who lived more than 100 years ago.


When we open our eyes a bit, we can see that we aren’t as needy as we imagined.  Life supports us in miraculous ways. When we don’t feel needy, we tend to possess a spirit of generosity in life and in leadership.  Rather than looking out for ourselves, we begin caring for those around us.  Our kindness and abundance overflows, creating more abundance in return. The ripple effect of our generosity is ever expanding.  Wounds are healed.  Relationships are restored.


All of this flows from giving up being needy.


Will you give this a try and send stories of how things changed for you?


About Jack Skeen

Jack Skeen
Jack Skeen, founder of Skeen Leadership, has been coaching bright and successful leaders for close to two decades, spending thousands of hours addressing every imaginable leadership, business and life issue with wisdom and professionalism.

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